Change but how much?

It is said that there is nothing that’s perfect in life. A child is not born perfect, a lawyer is not made so just like that and parents don’t emerge as parents even before their kids came on earth. Everything needs to be worked at and so does a relationship of a boyfriend and girlfriend that transforms into fiance and fiancee and then man and wife.

For making it to being man and wife, after you know that you really love the other, requires certain behavioral and mental changes in you. (Physical you might do on your own). You change your attitude and continuously hone yourself to be at your best, not just in front of him but in real.You become the best person that you can. You change your attitude and your ways. You become selfless in decisions and feelings. Your world becomes the other. You derive happiness from them and multiply it and same goes for sorrow and pain. You practice three golden rules of a successful relationship: being humble, always having sweet-speech and forgiveness. With these rules being present and acted upon, fights fail to even creep in.

But what if your partner doesn’t do all that and remains their stubborn self? What if they not only refuse to change but view it as change of character and for them to be leaving what they actually are? What if you partner has a bad anger management problem and a tongue that lashes out almost about anything when angry. What if it feels like adrenaline rush in the moment of anger actually controls them and they like the ‘sense’ power they think they achieve in this phase? Moments of love don’t even enter their head and their art of twisting word and using the words of extreme nature hurt you bad.

How can a person be loving to the bits one day and make you feel like a hate trash can the next. Where is the balance in life? What happened to being calm and alert of negative thoughts in your head and saying NO to them for the sake of US. What happened to try to understand the others perspective instead of loving just yourself. What about letting the other exercise his/her rights on you instead of telling them off in ever manner. In this situation, who should you care for: a broken heart, hurt ego, confused brain, upside down curve of your lips or this mad ache deep in the chest wanting it all to be solved and normalized.

Normalcy is a luxury often understood after its gone!

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I see skies as free space of love

Trying to find trust or trying to put my trust forward… I don’t know

So much uncertainty, so much nervousness, holding on to fragile string of faith…am i?

I keep questioning why to all this and why now?

I call for normalcy and happiness and feeling secured and wanted.

I wanna close my eyes and open them to live in my dream in wakefulness

Does that make sense?

Its not like I want my city of dreams to crash upon me

but things are not working out and I hate to see.

I want to be loved in its truest sense,

not just for words, not just on paper, not just on Facebook.

I wanna be understood like I understand.

I want our invisible bond to be stronger than iron with no chance of rust.

I want this relationship to be sealed with no chance of going bust.

 

Simply choosing healthy

I tried hard to diet n eat as per i read on the internet… it just burdened my head more and uplifted my cravings to a whole new level and after that I quit strict diet but am just choosing to eat healthy by choosing what looks most healthiest on my table! 

I had joined bootcamp exercise (maxfit) and hurt my knees really bad… its almost 6 weeks now but I have problem everytime i get up or sit or take the staircase or do any activity that requires speed… so basically i cant do any cardio either… every thing has turned upside down about exercising… i am just waiting for my knees to get better 😦