“Just a minute, I will be with you shortly”

Chai is a fifty-five year old single father. His wife didn’t leave him for heaven amidst clouds but for heaven in Bangkok itself: a rich man. His daughter is five years old today and he doesn’t want her to leave him for money too. He has taken an oath to change their times and be a rich person. He wants to provide everything to his daughter so she doesn’t turn out to be a greedy person like their mother.

Ying, his daughter has turned ten now. They live in a clean apartment instead of the slum. They have food every day now. Chai has also hired a part-time nanny to look after Ying as he is busy most of the time. Whenever Ying calls for his attention at home, he says “just a minute, I will be with you shortly”.

Fifteen year old Ying finds social media as her best friend. She lives with Johnny; her Golden retriever and her permanent nanny Mary in a spacious bungalow and has abundance of teenager-needs-and-wants. She has many friends to hang out with too, Chai doesn’t know them and the nanny doesn’t bother. Whenever Ying calls Chai on his phone, he says “just a minute, I will be with you shortly”.

Chai is seventy-five today, his businesses growing and health ailing. He spends a lot of time at home now as he isn’t physically fit any more. Since he started being home, he keeps a close eye on his mobile screen and looks expectantly at the door each time the bell rings, however Ying just waltz in and out of the luxury villa. She has no attachment to any one at her so called home except with Johnny, for he was there when she needed someone to just be with her. Whenever Chai calls Ying on her phone, now she says “just a minute, I will be with you shortly”.

Twenty-five year old Ying just received a message of her dad’s death. Typically children rush to their parent’s funerals and thus she is flying back to Bangkok from London. But there aren’t any tears of despair in her eyes. There is no heavy heart or that sinking feeling. In fact she looks forward to her week long holiday on the beaches of Phuket after the funeral. Is that shallow? But she can’t recall a person who had no time for her. Who was never home looking for her arrival. Who was always busy, giving priorities to everything but her. Who never was with her ‘shortly’.

In some ways Ying might have turned to be like Chai, for she is a very busy person. But will she also face emotional failures like Chai? Only time will tell. I give everyone same duration, opportunities you create for yourself. I make sure an hour is same for the rich and poor but how you spend that hour is up to you. It’s true that if you put what’s important to wait, I can’t wait for you. For I am time, and I only keep moving, not waiting.

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Because all women have walked to their car in the dark, keys clutched tight in hand, one poking out between two fingers.

Because when I go out to bars or clubs, I have to think about whether what I’m wearing is too suggestive, instead of putting on whatever I please.

Because I feel the need to apologize when I’m not wearing makeup or my hair hasn’t been washed, or when I’m generally looking anything other than flawless.

Because there was nothing I could do about the man who touched me inappropriately in the middle of Gillette Stadium as I waited for my then-boyfriend to come out of the bathroom. IN THE MIDDLE OF THE STADIUM.

Because there was also nothing I could do when a man touched me inappropriately in the middle of a crowded street, his arm around his girlfriend. Because retaliating in the way I wanted to…

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Hope!

Hope is one the best attributes of me. Even when things go down, I can still hold my head high, thanks to hope! When things look not so bright and scare me about the future, I still cling onto hope! When road ahead looks troublesome but a needed pathway to accomplish smth, I still hold hands with hope! I pretty much tell my self ‘never mind’ when things go wrong as there is always hope by my side.

Yes there is hope mainly but some silent characters like positivity, faith and a thrill to make it.

However there are certain moments where I am losing on hope and being engulfed with negativity and sorrow. I kick hard but I don’t know how to swim. Many a times a rope of hope rescues me through this quicksand but still its a terrible feeling to be in one. The fear in me attracts sorrow and hopelessness, dislike it!

I wish to never lose hope because it always gives me a reason to smile, strength to face the not-so-welcome times and yet stay focused. I really wish not to lose hope as I would lose myself with it too, it makes a big part of me. I hope hope doesn’t leave me and go for smiling would be an exercise then 🙂

Image

shaky confidence and pretty bridal dress!

I hope they are plain fears and not a reality I want to ignore,

I hope I will be loved and even more.

I hope he understands intangible meanings and nature of love,

I hope he feels it like I do.

 

I wish to be trusted and believed by him blindly,

I wish he becomes honest as a transparent sheet with me.

I want to be his stone, I want him to give me an opportunity,

I want to be his closest friend, will he let me be?

 

I don’t want to be compared, I want to be special for him,

like he is for me,

I want his eyes to light up and lips to turn in an upward curve when he sees me,

happens to me, does it happen to him? can’t see!

 

Would like to aim for contentment and happiness,

Work at honing ourselves for a better relationship.

Don’t want to blame people or things, don’t want to call names,

Don’t want to fight on petty things, don’t want to lose out on love through fights and please no dictatorship.

 

He empowers me, yet he weakens me,

I wish he could understand how he effects me.

If he could call me his own and treat me so,

with love and understanding.

 

I ask no more, just want to be yours,

In words, in feelings, through struggles with no ceilings.

This nervousness that I feel or are they negative thoughts?

Please understand my plight, don’t fuel this fire anymore.

 

Accept me the way I am, don’t confuse me over and over,

Make me feel like being at the top of the world, like lovers do.

Don’t talk of parting so easily, these thoughts trouble me much,

Dream happier dreams, don’t think of thoughts as such.

 

Please understand you are important to me and I listen to all you say,

May these silences of pain change to be silence of comforts, I pray.

I am switching my world for you, please make it worth it,

Don’t play with my grip so easily, I will be lost.

 

The little girl in me looks at you through these grown eyes,

She feels scared easily, she is stepping into a new terrain all alone.

Our roles are changing and responsibilities are to increase,

Just be with me lovingly, don’t make me feel weird, let all your love be shown.

 

Ways to keep ur self diverted from focusing on smth

1) Youtube!! you are bound to find smth that interests you.

2) Read! books, gossip sections, comics… just about anything.

3) Group chat with school friends or any other friends that will help you divert. Discuss random topics and have fun.

4) Work: immerse urself in it.

5) Music: with earphones on!!

To feel lighter:

1) Write your feeling down and shove them in a drawer.

2) Think happier thoughts.

3) Use instagram, upload some pics or quotations

But real feeling nice will happen only after solving the matter!

 

 

Anger Anger GO Away! Lemme have a peaceful day!

Anger! an issue that touches almost all our lives, directly or indirectly. If we are now matured enough and can control our anger then may be our partner has a problem. If we both are blessed to be at peace and controlled then may be another family member is lil miss angry.

Anger can’t be shooed away by simply saying ‘stop getting angry!’, it needs to be worked at and mastered at. Just like we study through out the year and take tests, just like we practice many sums by memorizing all the formulas, just like we practice tying shoe lace over and over. We need to practice to control our anger and let it not control us.

First indicator is self-realization i.e. to be able to detect anger creeping in your head. Many a times, just this realization can help in calming down as the brain upon realizing immediately composes itself again and thus one can successfully avoid a heated argument.

Second indicator is realizing our spoken words. If you hear yourself using rude language, intentionally hurting the other, calling names; it is high time to stop speaking and forcing out a sorry from your mouth, taking a U-turn and going away for a while to calm down. The sorry there will help curbing your ego when you meet the same person again.

Third indicator would be realizing this feeling inside us by which you deliberately want to hurt the other person, make them feeling miserable. You forget who they are, block all their happy memories and good things but would like to lash out at them and break them mentally, if not controlled physically.

Fourth indicator is protecting your ego and feeling powerful. In fights, you usually feel nice by hurting the ego of the other and protecting you own by ensuring hurting the other persons ego. This exercise gives the feeling of feeling powerful even though it is a short-lived illusion of a feeling (till realization kicks in) (if). Realization of feeling powerful this way could be another indicator as this power is being felt by the grace of anger, at the cost ego of the other. At this point, realize and create a need to eradicate feeling this power.

Last indicator for you to realize and if not stop but to reduce the fight is in the after-fight period. Stop the urge of wanting to go away from the other person or blocking all the communication. Let go of the negative vibes in your head and call the person after a little while and talk in calmer tones. Try to understand their perspective before explaining yours (this could be the topic of another post altogether). Its always better to solve a fight and move on rather than pretending to move on with that fight still stuck in your head as each time that you remember this particular fight, it will re-create the same feelings and thoughts in your head and you don’t want to go through it again!

Anger is a friend of no one and helps only in destruction. If controlled and used wisely, it can help correct other people. No one is lower or higher than us and all of us make mistakes. Whatever you say or do while angry, train your sub-conscious to empathize i.e. how would you feel if the same thing happens to you.

Anger breaks beautiful relations and will leave you alone so choose, if you want to let go of anger and the ego or the person who makes your life wonderful discounting the few moments of fights. I personally believe everything can be talked in a nicer manner, try!