Anger Anger GO Away! Lemme have a peaceful day!

Anger! an issue that touches almost all our lives, directly or indirectly. If we are now matured enough and can control our anger then may be our partner has a problem. If we both are blessed to be at peace and controlled then may be another family member is lil miss angry.

Anger can’t be shooed away by simply saying ‘stop getting angry!’, it needs to be worked at and mastered at. Just like we study through out the year and take tests, just like we practice many sums by memorizing all the formulas, just like we practice tying shoe lace over and over. We need to practice to control our anger and let it not control us.

First indicator is self-realization i.e. to be able to detect anger creeping in your head. Many a times, just this realization can help in calming down as the brain upon realizing immediately composes itself again and thus one can successfully avoid a heated argument.

Second indicator is realizing our spoken words. If you hear yourself using rude language, intentionally hurting the other, calling names; it is high time to stop speaking and forcing out a sorry from your mouth, taking a U-turn and going away for a while to calm down. The sorry there will help curbing your ego when you meet the same person again.

Third indicator would be realizing this feeling inside us by which you deliberately want to hurt the other person, make them feeling miserable. You forget who they are, block all their happy memories and good things but would like to lash out at them and break them mentally, if not controlled physically.

Fourth indicator is protecting your ego and feeling powerful. In fights, you usually feel nice by hurting the ego of the other and protecting you own by ensuring hurting the other persons ego. This exercise gives the feeling of feeling powerful even though it is a short-lived illusion of a feeling (till realization kicks in) (if). Realization of feeling powerful this way could be another indicator as this power is being felt by the grace of anger, at the cost ego of the other. At this point, realize and create a need to eradicate feeling this power.

Last indicator for you to realize and if not stop but to reduce the fight is in the after-fight period. Stop the urge of wanting to go away from the other person or blocking all the communication. Let go of the negative vibes in your head and call the person after a little while and talk in calmer tones. Try to understand their perspective before explaining yours (this could be the topic of another post altogether). Its always better to solve a fight and move on rather than pretending to move on with that fight still stuck in your head as each time that you remember this particular fight, it will re-create the same feelings and thoughts in your head and you don’t want to go through it again!

Anger is a friend of no one and helps only in destruction. If controlled and used wisely, it can help correct other people. No one is lower or higher than us and all of us make mistakes. Whatever you say or do while angry, train your sub-conscious to empathize i.e. how would you feel if the same thing happens to you.

Anger breaks beautiful relations and will leave you alone so choose, if you want to let go of anger and the ego or the person who makes your life wonderful discounting the few moments of fights. I personally believe everything can be talked in a nicer manner, try!

 

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Change but how much?

It is said that there is nothing that’s perfect in life. A child is not born perfect, a lawyer is not made so just like that and parents don’t emerge as parents even before their kids came on earth. Everything needs to be worked at and so does a relationship of a boyfriend and girlfriend that transforms into fiance and fiancee and then man and wife.

For making it to being man and wife, after you know that you really love the other, requires certain behavioral and mental changes in you. (Physical you might do on your own). You change your attitude and continuously hone yourself to be at your best, not just in front of him but in real.You become the best person that you can. You change your attitude and your ways. You become selfless in decisions and feelings. Your world becomes the other. You derive happiness from them and multiply it and same goes for sorrow and pain. You practice three golden rules of a successful relationship: being humble, always having sweet-speech and forgiveness. With these rules being present and acted upon, fights fail to even creep in.

But what if your partner doesn’t do all that and remains their stubborn self? What if they not only refuse to change but view it as change of character and for them to be leaving what they actually are? What if you partner has a bad anger management problem and a tongue that lashes out almost about anything when angry. What if it feels like adrenaline rush in the moment of anger actually controls them and they like the ‘sense’ power they think they achieve in this phase? Moments of love don’t even enter their head and their art of twisting word and using the words of extreme nature hurt you bad.

How can a person be loving to the bits one day and make you feel like a hate trash can the next. Where is the balance in life? What happened to being calm and alert of negative thoughts in your head and saying NO to them for the sake of US. What happened to try to understand the others perspective instead of loving just yourself. What about letting the other exercise his/her rights on you instead of telling them off in ever manner. In this situation, who should you care for: a broken heart, hurt ego, confused brain, upside down curve of your lips or this mad ache deep in the chest wanting it all to be solved and normalized.

Normalcy is a luxury often understood after its gone!