Anger! an issue that touches almost all our lives, directly or indirectly. If we are now matured enough and can control our anger then may be our partner has a problem. If we both are blessed to be at peace and controlled then may be another family member is lil miss angry.
Anger can’t be shooed away by simply saying ‘stop getting angry!’, it needs to be worked at and mastered at. Just like we study through out the year and take tests, just like we practice many sums by memorizing all the formulas, just like we practice tying shoe lace over and over. We need to practice to control our anger and let it not control us.
First indicator is self-realization i.e. to be able to detect anger creeping in your head. Many a times, just this realization can help in calming down as the brain upon realizing immediately composes itself again and thus one can successfully avoid a heated argument.
Second indicator is realizing our spoken words. If you hear yourself using rude language, intentionally hurting the other, calling names; it is high time to stop speaking and forcing out a sorry from your mouth, taking a U-turn and going away for a while to calm down. The sorry there will help curbing your ego when you meet the same person again.
Third indicator would be realizing this feeling inside us by which you deliberately want to hurt the other person, make them feeling miserable. You forget who they are, block all their happy memories and good things but would like to lash out at them and break them mentally, if not controlled physically.
Fourth indicator is protecting your ego and feeling powerful. In fights, you usually feel nice by hurting the ego of the other and protecting you own by ensuring hurting the other persons ego. This exercise gives the feeling of feeling powerful even though it is a short-lived illusion of a feeling (till realization kicks in) (if). Realization of feeling powerful this way could be another indicator as this power is being felt by the grace of anger, at the cost ego of the other. At this point, realize and create a need to eradicate feeling this power.
Last indicator for you to realize and if not stop but to reduce the fight is in the after-fight period. Stop the urge of wanting to go away from the other person or blocking all the communication. Let go of the negative vibes in your head and call the person after a little while and talk in calmer tones. Try to understand their perspective before explaining yours (this could be the topic of another post altogether). Its always better to solve a fight and move on rather than pretending to move on with that fight still stuck in your head as each time that you remember this particular fight, it will re-create the same feelings and thoughts in your head and you don’t want to go through it again!
Anger is a friend of no one and helps only in destruction. If controlled and used wisely, it can help correct other people. No one is lower or higher than us and all of us make mistakes. Whatever you say or do while angry, train your sub-conscious to empathize i.e. how would you feel if the same thing happens to you.
Anger breaks beautiful relations and will leave you alone so choose, if you want to let go of anger and the ego or the person who makes your life wonderful discounting the few moments of fights. I personally believe everything can be talked in a nicer manner, try!