writing101: one of my greatest loss

“How is your fever today and the stomach?”

“It’s better, so sweet of you to ask!”

“How was your day? Had fun in your world civilization class?”

“It was actually good, we learnt about Michael Angelo and his creations. The teacher showed a slideshow … (conversation continues)”

“Lets go out tonight, which cuisine do you prefer?”

“All is okay with me as long as I have not imagined something and set my mind on it, you know me!”

The one asking questions is my friend, always concerned, always thinking of me and showering me with his care and love.

The one replying is me relishing his concern, cherishing his attention and presence and imagining a rosier future.

There are certain figures like that in our lives with whom we connect in a special manner and feel the happiest with our own self . We enjoy thunder rains and hot blazing Sun with them. They are so special and each moment with them passes just too quick to hold on to. So much positivity, hope and mutual dreams float around  that one forgets reality and believe in those dreams to be present and the future.

So what happened? Oh just the general… we grew up! and not quite the way we had dreamt of. Today our conversations are more of mere sentences and replies of one word. I really don’t know about his world and because I started feeling so, I shut him out of my world. I don’t know how his day goes or what touches him. He knows nothing about me either. I keep it to myself but I do still want to share everything with him and learn about his days. I try to ask some times, he doesn’t reply much. His reluctance pushes me away, but I do miss him.

We grew up but are still together but not actually together. I lost my friend in him and sometimes I think, he too lost his friend in me which was a reciprocation actually. I don’t know if he misses me? I miss him! I would even be happy to just restart the whole process to be friends again because even though today we are surrounded by only negative vibes when together, there was a day that positive vibes didn’t leave us. Today we end up arguing whenever we talk and our respective ego has become a barrier but I remember days of pure happiness and joy.

I miss our friendship and his companionship. Sometimes I wish to be able to revive time but that cant happen in ‘real’ world so, I wish for us to let go of our negative feelings and embrace the warmth of friendship we feel for each other.  I want to spend time with him and find myself wondering how the hours ticked by so fast and not count the minutes. I want to go for those brunches we used to do and spend the day happily. I miss how I happy I used to feel around him. I miss his smiling face.

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Hope!

Hope is one the best attributes of me. Even when things go down, I can still hold my head high, thanks to hope! When things look not so bright and scare me about the future, I still cling onto hope! When road ahead looks troublesome but a needed pathway to accomplish smth, I still hold hands with hope! I pretty much tell my self ‘never mind’ when things go wrong as there is always hope by my side.

Yes there is hope mainly but some silent characters like positivity, faith and a thrill to make it.

However there are certain moments where I am losing on hope and being engulfed with negativity and sorrow. I kick hard but I don’t know how to swim. Many a times a rope of hope rescues me through this quicksand but still its a terrible feeling to be in one. The fear in me attracts sorrow and hopelessness, dislike it!

I wish to never lose hope because it always gives me a reason to smile, strength to face the not-so-welcome times and yet stay focused. I really wish not to lose hope as I would lose myself with it too, it makes a big part of me. I hope hope doesn’t leave me and go for smiling would be an exercise then 🙂

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